yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
