I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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