I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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