i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
