he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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