If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
