i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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