I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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