We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
