i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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