Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
