Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Couch. On fire.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
