You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
