I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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