I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
