We're facebook friends in real life
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
