we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
