Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
