The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
