I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
