you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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