I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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