he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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