we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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