those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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