i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
