If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
