I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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