well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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