I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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