mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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