let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
