I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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