the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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