i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
