You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
