he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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