She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
high people should be assigned attendants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
