I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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