I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
