i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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