One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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