Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
