Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
