he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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