paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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