I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
