In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
