i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
