hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
