just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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