apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
