Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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