Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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