Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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