I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
