I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
