why didn't you poke me back
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
