His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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