Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
