the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
