it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
