then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone shattered a urinal.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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