Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
